Why do we expect birth control responsibility to fall to women?

Gabrielle Blair explains in Ejaculate Responsibly

I picked this book up on a visit to D.C. almost a year ago. I had heard about it from a few people, and with its provocative title and cover, it was not easy to miss. It did take me a while to get around to reading it, though.

This book makes a well organized, straightforward argument: it is incomprehensible that women are responsible for birth control, given that men are always fertile and women rarely are, by comparison.

Gabrielle Blair thoroughly, coherently and convincingly argues that men should be responsible for reducing abortions, because it is irresponsible ejaculations that cause unwanted pregnancies.

I will be gifting this book to all the men in my life that I love and respect but also need to get with the times. And the reason I want them to have this book is because I think what Blair does extremely well is demonstrate quite simply the patriarchal and misogynistic system we as a society have used to manage birth control for decades. And nearly all of that system is rooted in further misogynistic ideas, such as: only “slutty” women have unplanned pregnancies or even need birth control.

However, I am sad to say that I don’t think this book will do very much to solve the problem with abortion access in the United States.

The whole time I was reading, I was plagued by an undercurrent of skepticism. It felt very much like the episode of Friends when Rachel and Phoebe need to quickly plan a bridal shower for Monica, and Phoebe suggests elaborate (wonderful!) party favors when they have a million other more pressing problems.

Friends, Season 7, Episode 19.

I agree with every single thing Blair put down in her book, but unfortunately what she has identified is an extremely old problem that women have been fighting pretty much forever. Pregnancy and childbirth, put simply, is hard and medically dangerous. And right now, there are women who are dying because they can’t access abortion care. There are women who are going to be forced to have an abuser or rapist’s baby. There are women who will be humiliated and shamed as they try to access abortion care. There are women who will be manipulated or forced to continue doomed pregnancies to term. There are women who simply do not want to be pregnant who will need to suffer through an unwanted pregnancy, dramatic changes to her body and psyche and entire life. And yes, that is because men have put their sperm somewhere it shouldn’t be (a phrase Blair uses throughout the book to great effect). Sadly, I don’t see a simple solution to this problem in the short term that will protect the women who are suffering today.

So while it would be wonderful solve our abortion access problem while dismantling the patriarchy and all the other problems it creates, we don’t have that kind of time. I absolutely believe we should continue to try, but in the meantime we must achieve abortion access. Returning to Friends, the guest list is more urgent than the party favor.

Those who currently believe that it’s the woman’s job to not “get pregnant” (a term I loathe due to the implied irresponsibility) may be persuaded by this book to instead place the burden on men. I want that result, so this book definitely has its place. I think Blair’s personal background (which she doesn’t spend much time addressing) plays a large part in her framing of the argument. I appreciate this as well, since we will need a broad approach to dismantle the patriarchy. If she can attract people with religious objections to birth control and abortion, and convince more conservative men of their responsibility, it is absolutely a win.

If your focus is solely on abortion and whether it is a legal or moral right, you still won’t reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies, and you won’t reduce the number of irresponsible ejaculations. But! If you focus on dramatically reducing the number of irresponsible ejaculations, you will dramatically reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies, and you will dramatically reduce the number of abortions. —p.76

I suppose I take issue with the quote above because my overarching goal is not to reduce the number of abortions. My goal is for women to have bodily autonomy. Obviously it would be great to reduce the number of abortions because they are often burdensome and lead to a lot of societal strife. Yes, Blair’s arguments can support both goals, but women deserve autonomy for its own sake.