The modern U.S. patriarchy is more overt than ever
As an American living abroad, I am afraid for my sisters and nieces living in the U.S. Month after month, news rolls out of my home country that further marginalizes each one of them.
This is not to say that my status as a woman in the U.K. is dramatically better than it would otherwise be, but it seems my comrades are hell bent on reminding every woman in America that she is absolutely less than any man.
In the United States, women’s bodily autonomy is up for public debate on a daily basis. Since the Supreme Court overturned Roe v Wade, there have been a barrage of aftershocks that have seen pregnant women floundering in emergency rooms, sneaking across state borders for abortion care, and being forced to complete pregnancies resulting from rape. And in spite of copious evidence of the danger we are in, the Court has issued further decisions that have only reinforced its apathy towards women’s lives.
Meanwhile, my beloved father sends me and my sisters Instagram reels showing self-defense or situational awareness tips for protecting ourselves from bad guys. Until recently I’ve found it possible to overlook the reach of the patriarchy. But now the power grab is so overt, I find myself weeping every time I instinctively check the backseat of my car before I get in, or change my route on a walk to ensure I don’t wind up alone on a dark street.
The only reason I need to think constantly about protecting myself from “bad” men is because society reminds them at every turn that they are better than women. That they know better, are stronger, are smarter. That the only meaningful thing women should be doing is having babies.
I have concluded that the main reason some (and it is certainly not all) men believe they are entitled to treat women as objects is because they see women devalued every single place they look. It doesn’t need to be legislative or judiciary to be plainly obvious.
A “news” magazine actually published an article, written by a man, claiming that because Taylor Swift has dated 12 men rather than marry one, she is not a “good” role model (I will not link to this garbage). A football player told female college graduates of Benedictine College that they won’t have accomplished anything until they become a wife and mother. And when the Man or Bear question took over social media, plenty of men clamored to explain to women why their instincts were wrong. (Apparently our innate instincts to care for others don’t include ourselves. Also, just because statistically women are safer from men than from bears does not discount the very real fear we feel, and the responsibility for keeping ourselves safe from strange men.)
These are not isolated incidents, and they are not overwhelmingly quashed by intelligent conversation. They are debated; plenty of people stand on the side of these ridiculous claims and argue that dating too many different men is bad, that women’s success outside the home is nothing compared to motherhood, that we don’t know what’s good for ourselves. That we need men to tell us.
No, it is not all men. As a woman, over time, you learn to read the signs, take precautions and follow your instincts. Most of the men I have known in my life have treated me with respect, but some bad men can pretend to be good. The thing that you can count on is that when your gut says he’s a bad guy, he is.
Trump is precisely the man I have learned to fear: a man who is small, petty, insecure, and desperate to show me how strong he is. A man who so loathes a woman with any power he will not hesitate to knock her down any way he can manage. A man who mocks Nikki Haley’s dress, calls for Hillary Clinton to be locked up, and says his fame means he can just grab women “by the pussy” – and these are only some of the comparably mild acts he can’t deny. If the president is now immune from prosecution for whatever he deems “official acts,” what will a man like Trump do to women? And is there anything we would be able to do about it?
And so I worry for the well-being of my sisters and nieces, and everyone who identifies as a woman. I know that there will always be people who think women are the weaker sex, but it is devastating to see that viewpoint upheld by government and reinforced in the media.
I can understand the fear many Democrats feel in the face of Biden’s disastrous performance at the debate. At this point I have no control over who the democratic nominee will be, but we do know the Republican nominee will be Donald Trump. I vote for values and policy, and I do so in every election while advocating for women’s issues with Democrats Abroad UK.
I will not have my nieces live in a world where their intelligence, humor, and kindness is held up only as evidence they will make great mothers. They deserve the choice to be a mother, a stay-at-home mom, a working-outside-the-home mother, child-free, single, married, polyamorous. I don’t care what they choose, as long as they get to choose. I am tired, but I will not give up on them.