She did what she had to do

Turns out a "missing" woman was never actually missing

Audrey Backeberg was 20 years old and already married with two children when she disappeared more than 60 years ago. News broke this month that she is alive and well, living in an undisclosed location, and my first thought was good for her.

Wisconsin Department of Justice, shared by NPR

Back in 1962, she was living in Wisconsin and had reported that her husband was abusive. Then, one day in July she hitchhiked with her babysitter to Madison, then got on a bus to Indianapolis, where the babysitter left her. Perhaps due to the abuse allegations, the babysitter’s statement was not taken seriously; police investigated the possibility of foul play and her family believed she had been killed. They must have imagined it impossible that Audrey would leave her children. Ironically, this has been treated as a “cold case” when, at least in retrospect, Audrey is anything but a missing person.

I could find no news on Audrey’s daughter, but her husband Ronald remarried at some point and died at the age 65. Sadly, Audrey’s son, James, died by accidental drowning in 1990, at age 32, meaning he was about four years old when his mother left. Audrey remarried but we don’t know if she had any other children.

According to Chippewa Herald, the officer who found her, Hanson, “notified Backeberg’s family members. [Her sister] and other family members were ‘elated’ but also experiencing mixed emotions at the news that Backeberg was alive.” I’d imagine they are hurt that she allowed them to believe she had been killed, and had not contacted them for all these years. It is an extreme form of estrangement; she eliminated contact with her entire family. But since children were left behind, it allowed them a window to believe that she was killed rather than left of her volition.

Of course I feel sad for her children, who probably missed her for a long time and may have suffered on their own, if their father was abusive toward them. But each time I wonder, what kind of mother would abandon her children?, I return to two points: