Monica's reading

A list of what's caught my eye lately

I’m still recovering from jetlag following my recent visit to the U.S., where I enjoyed two weeks with my family. I spent the time either laughing hysterically with my sisters, or missing Annie.

our reunion.

I also spent a few days with my grandmother, asking her to recall minor events of her younger years in minute detail. I’ve been working on a biography for her on and off for years. It’s remarkable to me how much she remembers. Sometimes she’ll look at a photo and say she doesn’t know who or where it was, and then just as I’m about to flip past it, she says, “Oh, that’s Dr. X and we were in Washington. It was so hot that day.” I never fail to ask what year it is, and she never fails to offer an extremely vague guess: “Maybe 1950s…” It’s always 1950s.

But when we finished a photo captioning session on this most recent visit, she said, “It was a whole life.” I’ve been thinking so much about that remark, which she might have meant in an offhand way, but I took to mean, it was a whole, entire, lifetime. And now she counts every part of her days as a bonus. Or as she puts it, “a gift from God.”

She showed me the newsletter that her retirement home publishes daily, and explained that she is usually the first one to receive it, sometimes waiting at the door to the office. It’s filled with puzzles and obscure facts about animals and historical anecdotes. “Never stop learning,” she says. Then she pointed to an announcement for a new careers discussion group that will invite residents to share stories about the work they did in their younger years. I asked if she would share.

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

I can’t imagine anyone in that residence has a more interesting career arc than my grandmother’s, which she created entirely on her own. She moved the U.S. from Peru in the 60s, after several years as a concert pianist. While raising her children, she started a langauge book for the Lion’s Club, was a founding member of the Lioness Club, taught Spanish from her house, and served as a translator for the local court.

But, she’s not sure it’s worth sharing. What a shame that so many amazing women don’t see the value in their contributions.

Anyway, here’s what I’ve been reading lately.

A recipe for ranch dressing

I was in the U.S. during the World Cup, and heard from numerous people that all of our international visitors couldn’t believe they’ve been missing out on ranch dressing. I have to admit, it’s good, and I always order it on my salad when I’m back home. But before I moved to the UK and ranch dressing was more ubiquitous, I considered it a childish choice. Adults choose a vinaigrette, no? Luckily, my step-mother shared this elevated recipe, along with a delicious salad.

On Resisting Women

Out now from Michaela Chamberlain, I’m (virtually) attending the book launch tonight. Michaela gave a Seed talk earlier this year and I found her research fascinating. Even though it’s way above my head, she’s very good at making her findings approachable and relevant to our lives.

Is Mother Dead

This is one (of three) books I took to the beach for my family vacation, where I read a total of five pages. This always happens. I’ll never learn there are too many distractions on a U.S. holiday. But it is excellent so far and I can’t wait to really dig in. There’s this compelling section about how daughters can never truly know their mothers: “That’s impossible. Not because she isn’t an ordinary human being with all the associated flaws, but because a mother can never be an ordinary human being to her children, and I am one of her children.” By Vigdis Hjorth.

How to use YouTube and Substack Recording Studio

I’ve decided to integrate the Bad Mothers podcast with my writing here, and share video interviews as well as audio. I’ve started to feel a bit old when I try to learn new technology. It used to be so much easier! But there is now a Bad Mothers YouTube channel and I’ll share video interviews here very soon. PS If anyone can explain to me why people use YouTube (for watching) to access podcasts (for listening), I’d be very grateful.

Always Jessica Valenti

I think Abortion, Every Day was the very first Substack I subscribed to, and paid for, because it is just packed with vital information and really clever commentary. It’s usually a roundup of all the news, every day, related to reproductive rights, but sometimes we also get a stellar essay. This week Jessica wrote about Platner.

The Platner Pattern

About The Bear

I’m writing an essay about the final season of The Bear. Unsurprising update: I still adore Donna. In doing my research, I came across this interview in Time last year with Jamie Lee Curtis, who plays Donna.

Gabrielle Blair on men’s “feminism”

I still don’t want to watch The Last Duel but I appreciated her perspective, as always.

When Men Have a Daughter and Suddenly Become a 'Feminist'

Storefronts and Subways

This Substack is new to me, and I found it while looking for wise words on the film Obsession. I’ve avoided horror films since The Ring, but my sisters talked me into watching this one with vague claims of feminism. They weren’t wrong. If you haven’t watched it yet, I won’t spoil it, but I do recommend it. It has a few jump scares, but mostly its a psychological thriller.

Grotesque words on 'Obsession'

Rachel Aviv

I listened to Rachel Aviv (staff writer for The New Yorker) on the NPR Fresh Air podcast, talking about her new book, You Won’t Get Free of It. In it, she revisits her past essays that are in some way related to motherhood, and shares insights about what she might have overlooked when she wrote it as a non-mother, which she notices now that she’s had a child. It’s a fascinating listen, particularly when she discusses her work on Alice Munro and the revelation that she remained married to a man who sexually abused her daughter Andrea. I wrote about it here last year.

Your turn. What are you reading? Tell me in the comments.