The news gets worse every day, but I’m going to try to stick to my main topics here: mothers and daughters, estrangement, abortion rights. And, generally, feminism, because this month is the thirty-year anniversary of Alanis Morissette’s revolutionary album, Jagged Little Pill. I wrote about what the album means to me now, and what it meant when I was just 14, for Jenny Magazine.
In worse news for women, further restrictions to abortion care, contraception and overall health care. Jessica Valenti explains the wider impact of the Supreme Court’s Medina v Planned Parenthood South Atlantic decision, which is that women on Medicaid may be forced into crisis pregnancy centers if they can’t use Planned Parenthood. Valenti has got to be the most skilled predictor of anti-abortion action (which must be awful for her but so important for all of us fighting back), so if she says this is next in their playbook, I believe her.
Also, as Republicans already know and pretend not to, Planned Parenthood doesn’t only offer abortion care. They provide contraception, STD testing, and lots more, to people who can’t see another doctor for one reason or another. Why would we want to take that away? Well, Emily in Your Phone tells us more about the Right’s long-game in taking away contraception. All you have to do is get a bunch of beautiful women living the “easy” farm life to say that the Pill is bad.
Of course the Pill is flawed. The side effects are often unpleasant (and rarely dangerous, but still). But it is still a low-cost, easy to manage way to discreetly prevent pregnancy, which for some might be the only option. So instead of banning it, why not make it better?
This new book from Dr. Shelley Sella tells us why later abortions actually happen, rather than the horrific lies Donald Trump likes to tell from the stump.
I love the It’s Been a Minute podcast from NPR, especially this episode on the birth rate, the reasons people think a falling birth rate is bad, and why proposed “fixes” are dangerous.
But speaking of idiots trying to reverse birth rate decline, The New York Times published two pieces recently. One on Sean Duffy and his eight kids (he wants to give more DOT money to places that have especially big families). And another on the Conservative movement to “encourage” young women to have more kids and live in a more “traditional” fashion. Talking about the benefits of big families is fine with me (just like it’s fine for Chelsea Handler to talk about how great it is to be child-free) — but when policy dictates it, I get worried.
Writer Heidi Reimer was on the Kids or Childfree podcast to talk about her book, The Mother Act, and her experience moving from being child-free to mother of two — and how she felt regret for her decision and the urge to leave in the early stages.
This article in The Atlantic caught my eye: The Questions We Don’t Ask Our Families but Should. My grandmother is in her early 90s now, and luckily, still very sharp. I took the opportunity to interview her a few years ago, collecting hours and hours of audio recordings about her life. I still regret missing this chance with my grandfather, who died when I was in my mid-twenties. My family still sometimes finds his notes inside books or scribbled onto random sheets of paper. These are treasures, but also frustrating and mysterious clues to things we’ll never have the answers to.
These are my paternal grandparents. As I’m estranged from my mother, there is a whole history on her side of the family I’ll probably never know, so I am trying to uncover as much as I can on my father’s side, while I still can.
Next week, I’ll publish the final episode of the Bad Mothers podcast for this season. I decided to close it with a role reversal from episode 1: my sister, Gina, interviews me, and includes a few listener questions, too. Next season I’m hoping to explore other kinds of mothers — step-mothers, adoptive mothers, and maybe even dog moms…Hear me out! A lot of my child-free friends have dogs, and given that a puppy has turned my life entirely upside down, I’m wondering how other child-free people consider dog ownership in comparison to the responsibility of babies.
Finally, here are some photos of Annie, who continues to consume all of my time. I’m writing this from a cafe, blessedly alone, in the three-hour block of time I get on Fridays and Sundays to write, while my husband — with saintly patience — looks after her.
Wow, Monica! I only found you by seeing you read Nan Tepper's last essay. This post is a blaze to so many ideas I carry and write about. I am a mom, but not one who hasn't been brutally burned by patriarchal systems that think they can control women's bodies. Powerful essay. I am so glad to find you. I'm subscribing and look forward to more. Thank you for your wise words.